My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
