I want to have your abortion
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
