i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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