Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
