I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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