Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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