Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
