hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
