she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
