Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
