chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
