I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i think i just lost a toe
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
