I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
