i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
