Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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