did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
