so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
