Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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