i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I currently don't understand fingers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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