That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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