On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
