I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
