Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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