Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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