She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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