peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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