I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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