that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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