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I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
