I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
