I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
