She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
