Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
