she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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