Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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