What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
