And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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