I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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