You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
