I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
