i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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