Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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