why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
