Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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