Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
