Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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