The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
