Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
