Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
