Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
handjob tips. give me some.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
