god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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